How to avoid being these idiots.
Remember when we lost 100+ games in a season? Remember how it caused you to abuse your liver and your wallet? When Suppan is on the mound you are more likely to drink your face off and become the likes of Miller Park Drunk. Here are a few tips form the pros on how to survive Suppan starts this year.
Build a base: Before committing to a long tailgate, make sure you have a good base to help slow down the absorption of Milwaukees finest beers. Some kind of burrito is recommended.
Always hydrate: You’ve been in the sun for hours, you’ve drank the Suppan pain away. You need to hydrate. Chug a few bottles of your favorite sports drink. Those electrolytes are your friends.
Eat something: This goes beyond the base building. Make sure you have something to eat during the tailgate and/or during the game. Food is your best friend.
Don’t drink Bud: Seriously, you are in Miller Parks parking lot, and you are going to drink Bud? That’s just disgraceful. You are a horrible person. Have a little team pride. If you are going to drink a mass produced beer, drink the home teams beer. (And if you drink Old Style you are a douche)
No one wants to do the wave: I know you think it would be sooooo awesome to do the wave. But you are drunk, and things aren’t as they appear (Take another look at that girl you have been talking too). Do the entire world a favor and don’t try to start the wave*
Pace Yourself: Soup is probably only going 4 innings. So front load your drinking, you should emerge from a drunken haze around an hour into the game. But be prepared to be down 6 – 0. You have until the 7th inning to drink beer. You may want to evaluate the game prior to blacking out, if we show signs of life.. stop.
Getting Home Alive (And avoiding putting others at harm): This is kind of important. Take notes.
If you think you can drive home just fine. You can’t.
This should be fairly obvious. After drinking for 6 hours, having a beer or two post game… you are more drunk then you think. Sure you can walk back to your car alright. But half way up the hill out of the Giants lot you will realize that you shouldn’t be driving. So don’t. Here are a few alternatives…
Option 1:
A shuttle to a bar. But you have to promise to take a cab home. They pick you up by Helfaer field.
Option 2:
Take a cab. They stack up behind home plate along Helfaer field. A couple of bucks and you are back home safe.
Option 3:
Take a bus. The city buses are outside of Helfaer field.
Option 4:
Have a DD. Someone has to take one for the team and remember a Suppan start. Just remember to share the burden, someone is likely to go crazy remembering all these Suppan starts.
Option 5:
Phone a friend. You may want to warn them before going to the game, but people are willing at times to come pick you up. Just don’t throw up in their car.
Prepare a safe space at home: Once you’ve made it home safely (By using a DD), make sure you have a safe space setup at home. I recommend two bottles of water, 2 aspirins, a frozen pizza ready in the freezer, a blanket on the couch, a bottle of tums, and a DVD of Family Guy already loaded and remote in an easy place to find. This way you can eat, drink your water and pass out on the couch. Don’t let Suppan hurt you two days in a row.
*Unless you can drunkenly convince the entire section to do slow motion and split wave. Then you are free to do the wave. But don’t do it when the Brewers are at bat. Maybe you should write this one your hand to help you remember
